Essential Dos and Don’ts for Good Social Dance Etiquette

Social dances are, well, social.  That is to say they are made up of people, interacting physically with each other, in large groups.  This can be a recipe for unwanted and unnecessary drama.  It is especially difficult for newcomers to a dance scene to have awareness of all the ins and outs of ideal behavior that will increase their acceptance into a culture, and help them avoid embarrassment.

Below, we’ve compiled a list of behaviors, some of which to pursue, and some to avoid.  It would be too bold to claim any list of this nature to be comprehensive, but the major considerations have been outlined below.

Do explicitly ask your partner to dance, every time

By not explicitly requesting the next dance with a partner, one risks coming off as entitled or arrogant, and trivializes the importance of consent within a dance community. If there is so much noise as to make it impractical to ask verbally, as happens sometimes during a social night, making physical signals is a good secondary approach. Simply grabbing someone by the hand, or extending your own hand without making eye contact do not count as acceptable means of invitation.

Don’t correct, teach, or talk down to your partner on the dance floor

This is a huge one.

People have different motivations for attending a dance night.  Some are still in training mode, looking to practice technique or try new experiments, while others are just there to enjoy time with friends and blow off some steam.  Neither of those are bad.  In fact, we hope each dancer that comes through our doors spends time in both of those mindsets.

That being said, it is the height of rudeness to call out your partner for doing something that you perceive as wrong during a dance, unless it is a matter of safety or physical boundaries.  Additionally, we notice that the majority of people who behave this way are inexperienced and don’t always know what their partner is experiencing. Often, the complainant is, in fact, the source of the error.

Correcting your partner is a sure-fire way to look like a total noob.

But what if you’re asked for feedback?  Even providing feedback when asked is wandering into a gray area. There is no mal-intent here, but imagine what this interaction looks like from the outside.  Would someone say, “Oh, this (possibly well-respected) dancer is doing it.  It must be okay for me, too.”  There’s nothing wrong with soliciting feedback from someone you know, but keep in mind that sometimes people just want to dance, and not play the teacher.  Consider waiting until the dance night ends for feedback, or at least receiving it away from the dance floor, so as not to be an obstacle for other dancers.

Do dance to your partners level

If your follow doesn’t spin well, don’t spin them, or allow extra time for spins to complete.  This may require modifications to the patterns you know, but this is also a great skill to develop.

If your lead panics when you add a lot of embellishments to your movements, tone it down.  It’s better to start basic and slowly ramp it up than it is to start full-tilt and hope for the best.

Make sure you are employing movements that your partner can match, or at least participate in. It’s much more enjoyable for them than just watching you do something “fancy” on your own.

Don’t be offended if you are told “no” when asking for a dance

People have a variety of reasons why they might not want to dance, and it may not be related to you at all.  They may need a breather.  They may have already agreed to dance with someone else next.

Even if it does have something to do with you, don’t make it a thing and turn it into a confrontation.  Let it go.  There are other partners, and other nights.

Do practice good hygiene

Deodorant is a must.  Avoid excessive fragrances such as perfumes and colognes.  Keep in mind that a person with asthma is probably already breathing more than normal.  Consider bringing an extra shirt (or mask, these days) to change into in the event you get sweaty and need a quick change.

Don’t stalk a dance partner

It is super uncomfortable for both partners of a dance when there is another person standing a few feet away staring.  Wait off to the side of the dance floor for the next song to end.  If someone swoops in and occupies your intended partner before you get there, you have a few seconds to approach them and ask if they would be willing to find you for the next song.

Do be gentle with your partner

Assume that your partner may have an injury that you don’t know about.  

Leads, be careful with rotations that involve frame-dependent torque (i.e. shoulders).  Don’t force your follow into moves such as weight-supports like dips or fallbacks.

Follows, don’t put yourself into weight-supported moves.  You can seriously injure your lead if they’re not ready to receive your weight.  Remember that your lead is also vulnerable, to a greater or lesser extent, to all the things that might cause you injury or discomfort (e.g. pulling too hard).

Don’t be hostile to other forms of dance, or afraid of trying them

We’ve seen this too many times to count…

“That’s not real dancing.”
...
“My dance style is so much better.”
…
“I’m too inexperienced at that dance to do it.”

Never—never—insult someone’s art.  You’re not into square dancing? Fine, but don’t tear it down in front of a square dancer.  Don’t make them feel like less of a dancer than you.  It’s okay to have preferences—we all do—but this shouldn’t be a war between styles.

And please try new things.  You don’t need to be good at every style that you attempt.  In fact, it is entirely common to find the new-and-different more entertaining than the familiar-and-safe.  Dancing another style isn’t a commitment to start training in that style.  It’s just a dance.

Variety, as they say, is the spice of life.

Finally…

Do express gratitude for the dance to your partner 

People judge themselves silently far more often than they let on.  Help reassure them that you enjoyed the dance.  You might end up being the deciding factor for someone as to whether they give up dance out of frustration or lack of confidence.

It helps to facilitate this if you walk with your partner off the dance floor, especially when ending the dance early.  Leaving your partner standing there sends a signal that you didn’t enjoy the dance, and they will be left there wondering what they did wrong.  It’s also embarrassing to them, because they will feel like people are looking at them in judgment.